i have come up with a new plan for myself...that is : studyin part time n continue with my present work instead of quting at end of Dec n study full-time..so i can earn more money..n not been blacklisted by my boss..BUT! i will be v bz...n when that happens..i will be v upset..but i still felt that this is a better alternative..

this few days im feeling v moody again...i failed to be a every-positive-me...n i hate to say this but i hate myself....zz

while i was on msn...saw this long-time-no-see friend...n so i clicked on his name n wanted to type "hi" when i saw his msn pic with his gf.Ya..i forgotten that his attached.... kinda felt sadden about it as i used to hav a little crush on him :(

im always having a thought for e wrong guy..not that im desperate..in fact i'm not looking for one...another eg is : yest i was waiting for bus when this one guy just caught my attention...n im only watching his backview.. when he turn, i spotted him with a cute goatee..so cute ! but afterawhile i realise\assume his gay....because he was standing with another guy n they will both quite intimate in some ways...

Another eg: Few days ago....one of this guy at work wanted to show me this guy photo(his fren).....n wanted to match-make us...of cos my reaction is : "what for ? dun need la...." i was abt to look away n do my own stuff when he flashed his photo to me "wAla !!!" he look like julian hee !!!!!!!!! i was about to change my mind when he quickly add on : "jus jk ! his attached"

There this guy at work that i cant see eye to eye ...n its HIM who started first...maybe its just his big guy ego thingy..or maybe we are both so attitude that we cant stand each other...n so we did not really talk to each other for 1 day....and then...today i realise somebody adjusted my chair for me ..as in to my comfort..since another chair is blocking my way...i knew its HIM who adjusted for me because he talk about that chair to me b4....so e LITTLE hatred i c in him was lifted....n so we started to hav small talk...as in "have you taken your lunch?" next reply..."ya".... and then i decided to forget about e disgusting things about him and that is = 'PICKING HIS NOSE' so openly.....-_- n some others hideous act...until TODAY.....
i saw him wee-ing into e open sea so OPENLY ! n then i quickly recalled e day i fell into e sea n that damn bittersweet taste of e sea on my lips n in my mouth.............!!
i wan holiday i need holiday ......life is so mandune...might consider doing part time
further-study then full time.... so i can earn n learn at e same time...ya...

Genting trip is confirmed zz......FIrst time im celebrating my birthday out of SG !!
n i went out for e first time to sea with e instructor few days ago..
its was soooo scary....hai cant even stand on e board..i know its difficult but din know it was THAT difficult.... cant even stand on e wakeboard n ended up falling into e sea 4 time !!
One moment they r smokin n throwing e cig butt into sea ..nxt moment i fell into e sea n gulped down e 'happily contaminated sea water'....thinkin im wearin vest jacket n i shld be fine since i know how to swim..BUT !!! it did not occur to me that fallin into e sea at that HIGH pressure means fallin DEEP into e sea .it only means that u will SLOWLY float onto e sea and im empahsizing on that word slowly.zz.....PLUS !!! with e wakeboard stucked onto my leg its like somebody is PULLING MY LEG !!!!! so scary that i wana cry !!!!!sobx...
oh ya something damn stupid happen to me that when i was msn-ing with my boss as he is not in e office but 'online'....so i jus msn him to enqury about certain things......so i quickly give him e notice that i will be off from work for short trip since my birthday is coming....
as i just start working not long ago....i felt bad about taking e leave too...thats when i say 'can i take e leave n take it as a gift from you on my bdy' ......."bdy" my shortcut for 'birthday'...ended up as shortcut for 'body' to him....OMG.....PENGZ......

aargh just failed my bike test...grr...50 demerit point for wobbling ?? anyway my nxt greedy goal is to be a wakeboard instructor..but that will not happen anytime soon because.....the whole course took about 1 mth for intensive training..n the passing rate is only 33% !! n cost about 1k... n might be going to Genting near end of this mth...but not very looking forward...zz

Lastest news....i just got a job..BUT kinda too impulsive ...i was seriously wandering if i make a right choice accepting the job. BUT if i did not get the job then...'what a waste'.. cos its a wakeboardinig biz and i get to see those soothing scenery away from hustle bustle working life...n just got this feeling that i MUST get the job..n i could try wakeboarding for sure this time as i always wanted to try sea-sport...n ...... so i realised i have accidentally choosen my interest over money. thats because the pay is low and im not sure if i can handle the job.
History repeats and i decided NOT to trust my parents anymore..NEVER.......
hope to hav a wakeboard from my boss for my birthday Muahahah.......so im still thinking about my job..hai..maybe i should treat this period as doing something i really like..maybe things isn't as bad as i think.....life is so meaningless....but i sincerely believe and understand that there are many other people who are living a happy life...

and so i quit the job to jump ship with the AUnt who intro me to the job...then again..i decided to search for my own job ...n hopefully to get to do OTHER things too......
....maintime tis is so goin to be a life-is-boring...thingy....
dislike all the things that is going around me....taiwan trip was cancelled...mum stopped my allowance...
the only comforting news is....my TV had finally arrived. n its BIG.
back to my own me-to-me nagging. MA is SOoo SELFISH...for not lending me her car AND !!! kip on lying to me both big n small issue so i swear never to listen to any of her words..... ITS ok if she dun wana lend me..BUT Its Definately a big NO for lying to your children.....
and with the no allowance + no car to drive....i decided to stay at home for..................................................its been 2 wks....
not that i did not go out but..im just home early.....
cruelly enough i know she wun know any diff with me...whether how cum im home...am i sick..?is it becus of not having enough money...? did something bad happen...wads e self isolation thing going on.... was angry wif PA over nothing oso...(wads wrong with me...) jus becus i wanted him to carry that DAMn heavvy TV to my room....i acted happily enough to ask if he mind moving it into my room.. and later i felt sOOO guity for being a FAker at that moment.. after awhile ..i becum alittle 'real' happy seeing the tv at a nicer angle in my room............

lesson learnt 1: never 'totally' thrust anybody unless that one is a certified whole life thrust being by self.

lesson learnt 2: remember not to wait for any return whenever you give.

Lesson learnt 3: working partners are always partners and not a friend....unless its a 5 years sworn working buddy partners.

Lesson Learnt 4: Sometimes when u tell yourself "maybe im thinking too much".....most of the time you are NOT !!

Lesson Learnt 5: People that you don like....dun force yourself by acting kind...because dun like means dun like.
In the first place its not a faker or not thingy..its a giving someone a 2nd chance...but than again forget it.

Lesson Learnt 6: when you want something please DOOO something......in the end...............at least you do something.

after all the lesson learnt...................................life is stinks like helll.......

Finally...tryin to get my life back...met up with Kent.. Thought is jus normal catching up till...we ended up on same topic n !!!
anyway felt v inspire n was a fruitful trip since i was actually quite tired today after work...
WOrk was ....damn boring..as they will bz wif their own close-end account thingy N IT-man was not there yet...N lousy com wif no appropriate program for me to use yet N me not paying attention in lesson causing me to have problems dealing with work they threw to me assuming im a A-list student in sch.....zz

a lONG ago neglected blog...jus like me neglecting my "life "away" ...
currently waiting e birth of new game on my com -- war of warcraft
Escaping into the world of 'game' can be a blessin or curse.

-April - starting my office job this month thks to my mum ...
-April - Biddy day.... splurge or conserve
-May - ??
-June - lookin forward to taiwan trip